Relationship Cords: What They Are and How to Work With Them
In my last blog post, I talked about five common energetic and intuitive experiences that many people have, but don’t frequently talk about. When I shared the link on social media, it got quite a lot of interest! I probably shouldn’t have been surprised at that. After all, the whole point was that far more people are sensitive to energy than are willing to talk about it, while energy healers are totally familiar with these common phenomena and can help you when they get to be bothersome. (Or better yet, we can keep your energy clear so they’re less likely to be a problem in the first place).
I realized after I shared it that I left a BIG one out of that list. This issue is so common that it’s deserving of a dedicated post, so maybe it was for the better.
That issue is relationship cords.
What do you mean by cords?
If you’re not familiar with the concept, it’s this: When we’re in relationship with other people - any kind of relationship - energetic connections develop between us. For those who can “see” energy, these appear as cords that run between people, connecting their chakras. If you’re a sensitive person, you may have even felt cords between you and another person, even if you didn’t have a word for it.
Typically, the quality and apparent location of the cords will reflect the type of connection you have or had. People who are in love will have cords connecting their heart chakras. If you have a sexual relationship, the lower chakras will be connected. Emotional connections tend to be in the second chakra as well.
Cords can reflect the nature of our relationships in other ways, too. I was once scanning a client’s aura for negative relationship cords that were still tethering her to a former partner (a recent breakup was her primary reason for the session). As I went to remove a cord from her throat chakra, it gave me the sense almost as if it were wrapped around her throat, trying to choke her. I asked my client whether her former partner often tried to silence her or if they had difficulty accepting some of the things she said. My client confirmed that this was the case.
Removing a cord like that can help a person to forgive their ex for any pain the experience caused, and help the client to move on more easily. If you read the last post, I talked about how past experiences can leave energetic imprints on us. Cords are a variation of that. Once they’re removed, it reduces the likelihood that we’ll repeat the same mistakes in our current relationships that we made in the past.
Why it helps to cord-cut after a breakup
As you can see, cords can be positive or detrimental. They exist between people we’re currently in relationship with. They also often hang around even when we’ve ended our external connection to another. This is why cord-cutting meditations and healing sessions are so important following a break-up or divorce. Even if you’re no longer regularly interacting with that person, you may still be connected energetically. Clearing that level will usually help to speed the recovery process, facilitate healing and forgiveness, and free up your energy so that there’s space for a new relationship to come in, if that’s your goal.
Why it’s good to cord-cut in current relationships
It can also be really helpful to current relationships to do regular “maintenance” by clearing negative cords even from people we wish to remain close to. This is something that I’ve noticed fewer healers talk about. I first learned to do this from a relationship/life coach named Kathryn Alice, whose work I’ve followed for some time. Kathryn recommends that her clients do “release” meditations - which are just a variation of cord-cutting - to release their old lovers when they are trying to attract a new partner. But she also tells of how she does regular “releases” of her own husband, to whom she’s been happily married for over a decade.
Even the best relationships have less-than-awesome dynamics sometimes. Maybe it’s a fight that’s been resolved but is still hanging in the air. Maybe it’s insecurities and codependencies that interfere with real intimacy. By scanning your energy field for these types of cords and removing them gently, it can help in multiple ways.
First, by scanning to see where and how you’re corded, it helps bring awareness to how you may be feeling or acting in your relationship unconsciously. Second, it clears space for finding new ways to resolve issues - like getting to the root of old fears or finding a solution to that recurring fight. Finally, it helps to remove energies that may not belong to you that may be causing you to be confused about your own fears or needs versus those of the person you’re in relationship with. This is especially important for people who are very empathic and struggle to separate their own feelings from those of others.
Why your ex calls you after a cord-cutting
Okay, I don’t want to get anyone’s hopes up here. If you try to do a cord-cutting healing with the goal of getting your ex back, it’s not likely to work that well. But let’s say you do a cord-cutting from an ex-partner or an estranged parent. Don’t be surprised if they suddenly text you out of the blue! This is because, when we sever relationship cords, it’s pretty common for the other person to sense it, however unconsciously. Suddenly, there’s an energetic vacuum where your energy used to be in them, too, and it makes them think of you. It might even make them reach out to you.
If this happens, please do not assume it means you should reunite with that person. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t, either. I don’t know your relationship or what may have changed! I’m just saying, while cord-cutting can promote healing for both parties, it’s not a given that the relationship can or ought to be revived when you hear from them.
Cords can reattach
Annoying but true: Sometimes, multiple cord-cuttings are necessary. Certainly this is true for when we do cord-cuttings in our current relationships. If you’re always around and interacting with that person, you’re going to be corded! Since cords can be good, too (I mentioned that at the beginning but mostly have focused on the draining cords since), that’s a good thing. We just want to make sure that unhealthy cords don’t linger.
But if you’ve been through a breakup after a particularly long or intense relationship with someone, or if one or both of you is struggling to get over the other, cords can re-form for a time. Maybe because you ran into that person, texted them, or even just thought about them a lot. Such is the nature of energy! Be patient with yourself, and if you find yourself thinking of your ex when you don’t want to, do a scan for some reattached or resurfaced cords.
If you want to give this a try yourself, I created a self-healing cord-cutting meditation that you can access here. It’s designed to be used in a current relationship or to help you move on from a past one. It can be used for any kind of relationship (including partners, friends, parents, siblings, etc.).
As I mention in the meditation recording, it’s impossible to sever loving cords between you and another person if it is your intention to continue to be in relationship with them, or even if your goal is simply to continue sending them love while not necessarily actively communicating with them. The meditation is set up to be used with loving intentions that will benefit all involved.
Healing sessions are also a great way to clear those cords! Like giving yourself a massage, self-healing meditations are effective, but sometimes you get better results when you can sit back and hand the work over to a pro. If that’s your situation, head here to learn how to schedule a distance or in-person energy healing session.